Dear bloggers,
It’s Nov 30th. You know what that means don’t you? National Blog Posting Month is now nearly over! I hope all of you had a great time blogging this month.
On my last post of the month, I’ll leave you with a deliciously fancy new video by the White Stripes.
On to December!
ErnieBot
Dear Oprah,
We all know that you have ultimate mind control powers over every middle aged housewife in the world.
Now will you STOP IT!!!!!
I know it’s scary, but can we let them think for themselves for a little while, just to see what happens? I know they’re not of my ilk, but I like to believe that they would know a good book when they see one.
Thank you,
ErnieBot
Dear Band of Horses,
Your new album rocks my socks off.
I just wanted you to know that.
Keep up the great work!
ErnieBot
Dear Mr Dubrow,
Dude, your dead. That really sucks. Sorry, I’m not trying to be insensitive. That’s just how I deal.
Instead, I will post my favorite Quiet Riot video for all my readers to enjoy.
I was really hoping to find you making the church going circuit as “Quiet Pious” like in that one kick ass episode of the Simpsons, but I guess that, tragically, won’t be happening.
While you weren’t the most prolific band to come out of the 80’s, I must say your music had a profound impact on me. Nothing makes me want to take my clothes of and grind against a sticky metal pole more than Quiet Riot.
Strippers and 80’s mullet heads around the world mourn your passing.
ErnieBot
RIP Kevin Dubrow….
Dear Mr. Daly,
You are not funny. You are not entertaining. There’s a reason why your show is aired at 12:30 in the morning.
Just how many frat boys do you have writing your fart and boob jokes anyways? Aren’t they supposed to be on strike or something?
Oh yeah, and could you go home and eat a hamburger or something? You look absolutely disgusting. Like a pencil neck.
Thank you for your time,
ErnieBot
Dear Mr. Jackass,
Thank you for fulfilling the stereotype that white American men are fucking idiots. You sit on the stage and call a heavier set black woman “Big Bertha” and then follow up your comment with your explanation that “black women have a tendency to let themselves go. Maybe it’s because they can’t afford decent food.”
You, my friend, are a dumb ass.
But you’re not alone. I’m watching the next segment as I type this and I think Tyra has compiled a panel of raging morons. Right now the “angry black man” is bitching to the “ignorant white guy” about his perception of black women.
This whole thing is so damned stupid. Ah forget it. All Tyra is doing is using this as an excuse to get women all riled up and angry at all men and their judgments. Everyone has a preference. Everyone has different tastes. I don’t like red headed freckled boys. I guess that makes me a bad person somehow?
So, maybe I shouldn’t be ragging on you, Mr. Jackass on the Tyra Show. Maybe I should be bitching at Tyra.
It still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a racists ass.
ErnieBot
Dear Time and Eric,
What the fuck happened to your show?
Season two is seriously weird, and not in that Tim-And-Eric sort of way.
I don’t get it. Maybe you could bring it down just a bit?
Thank you,
ErnieBot
Dear Hollywood Writers,
I know you are all currently on strike, and I commend you for standing up for what you believe is fair. I must admit that I am blissfully ignorant on this topic. I have no clue what your striking for, all I’m aware of is that I’m now being forced to watch reruns for God knows how long and I guess thats OK…for now.
Anyways, I am hoping that you use this time in order to dream up some new concepts for TV and movies. After all, you guys are paid for being writers, right? maybe now you can come up with some original plot lines, instead of ripping each other off. (Yes, I am directing this at you, Law and Order-CSI-Criminal Minds writers)
It’s all getting to be a bit redundant.
Good luck with your strike. I hope you come to a conclusion soon, because I’m going to be seriously upset if “Lost” gets pushed back any further. It’s bad enough that I’m being made to wait until February anyways….
Thank you,
ErnieBot
Dear IFC,
What the fuck happened here?
It’s the day after Thanksgiving and I’m trying to catch up on old episodes of the Henry Rollins Show that you are airing at 4 in the afternoon and there are some obviously different things going on here.
1. Where the hell did those commercial breaks come from? I remember watching this show not too long ago and I could watch 20 straight minutes of Henry Rollins with a few movie trailers and updates on what’s coming up on IFC left for after the show. Now I’m stuck watching advertisements for Subway, Old Navy, Wii, Guitar Hero and so on every 5 minutes.
2. Why is this show being censored? Are you censoring the movies you play too?
3. Please take off the fucking advertisements in the upper right hand corner of the screen. I’m trying to watch Henry’s interview with the Stooges and that poor guy on the right gets, literally, no face time because you keep playing an ad for “10 videos that rocked the world” or whatever that lame countdown is, and when you take that away, you fill the spot with a turkey bearing Henry Rollins face. It’s weird.
You know, I dealt with the Target sponsored film fest that you would air, I dealt with the trailers for movies that only get aired in shoddy Uptown theaters and I have no interest in ever seeing, but this is ridiculous. Really. You’re the Independent Film Channel. Why the over abundance of corporate sponsorship?
ErnieBot.
PS-Please disregard this letter. Turns out I was watching the FUSE network. My apologies.
Dear Faithful Readers,
HAPPY TURKEY DAY!
Thanks for reading and have a great day off of work!
ErnieBot
