A letter to Liam Kyle Sullivan
Dear Mr Sullivan,
Thank you so very very much for bringing us the beautiful gem known as Kelly. I too love shoes so I can relate all too well. Please continue to give me more!
Thanks,
ErnieBot
A letter to Steve Brule
Dear Dr Brule,
I must admit, I’ve been pretty scroogey lately with my letters, seeing as how its that time of the year when I begin to feel assulted by mass commercialism and religious zealots and it makes me a bit defensive. So in order to add a bit comedic relief to my rants, I’ve decided to write you in order to sing you my praises.
I saw the new episode of Tim and Eric Awesome Show Good Job on my TiVo last night and I must say, you really are the highlight of the show. I’m hoping that the good fine folks at Cartoon Networks Adult Swim division will give you your own spin off show. You’ve been so informative, giving me advice on fashion, a healthy diet, and now self defense. You’re absolutely brilliant.
I’m going to leave with some clips, I know many of my readers have yet to experience your insightful segments.
Thank you for the good hearty laugh, Dr. Brule. I can’t wait for your next segment!
ErnieBot
LAST RESORT FIGHTING:
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
DIGESTION PROBLEMS
BRULE’S RULES
A letter to Band Of Horses
Dear Band of Horses,
Your new album rocks my socks off.
I just wanted you to know that.
Keep up the great work!
ErnieBot
A letter to the Dearly Departed
Dear Mr Dubrow,
Dude, your dead. That really sucks. Sorry, I’m not trying to be insensitive. That’s just how I deal.
Instead, I will post my favorite Quiet Riot video for all my readers to enjoy.
I was really hoping to find you making the church going circuit as “Quiet Pious” like in that one kick ass episode of the Simpsons, but I guess that, tragically, won’t be happening.
While you weren’t the most prolific band to come out of the 80’s, I must say your music had a profound impact on me. Nothing makes me want to take my clothes of and grind against a sticky metal pole more than Quiet Riot.
Strippers and 80’s mullet heads around the world mourn your passing.
ErnieBot
RIP Kevin Dubrow….
A letter to All Readers
Dear Faithful Readers,
HAPPY TURKEY DAY!
Thanks for reading and have a great day off of work!
ErnieBot
A letter to Michael Showalter
Dear Mr. Showalter,
First, I want to apologize for missing your show with Michael Ian Black last week here at the Pantages theater in Minneapolis. I was looking forward to it for so long, but I wound up getting sick and wasn’t able to attend. It makes me sad and I hope that you two will be coming back soon so I can stalk you like the crazy woman I am.
Second, why are you making me watch the Fox News Channel?! I just received notice that you are going to be on Red Eye so I had to flip through my channels and set the DVR to record it and I honestly couldn’t even find Fox News on my cable. My liberal sensibilities have blinded me to the Fox News emblem. Regardless, after much searching (how many times do they air the O’Reilly factor on any given day anyways?) I found the episode I was looking for and I honestly can’t wait to see you on TV. I’m madly in love with you, by the way. I just can’t get enough.
I also received your new comedy album “Sandwiches and Cats,” and I can’t wait to give it a listen! As soon as I finish with the new Band Of Horses album, I’ll throw it in.
Thank you for being you.
I love you Gerald Cooperberg!
Love,
ErnieBot
UPDATE:
Dear Mr. Showalter,
OK, I watched your episode of Red Eye.
Wow.
Did you want to punch each and every single one of those people as much as I did? That was painful. I’m overwhelmed with the urge to grind Bill Schultz trachea with a high heeled shoe. And that British dude should stop trying to be funny…leave that to the professionals.
However, I was happy to watch your segment. You were delightful, as always.
Keep up the good work!
ErnieBot
A letter to Electric Dream Machine
Dear Electric Dream Machine,
I absolutely love, Love, LOVE your new hit single “Dayman.”
Can we anticipate a Dayman VS Nightman mash-up?
Sincerely,
ErnieBot
A letter to Chuck Klosterman
Dear Mr. Kolsterman,
Well, you must be doing something right. You are officially an icon of what make cool Canadian teenagers click. Maybe you’re already aware, but just in case you’re not, let me inform you…..
You’ve been name checked on Degrassi: The Next Generation.
It’s about time they caught on to what I’ve known for years now: The coolness that is Chuck Klosterman.
And by the way, when are you putting out a new book? I bought IV, but was slightly disappointed seeing as how I’ve read nearly all those columns in their original magazines. (I was delightfully amused by story about the all chicken nugget diet. Morgan Spurlock’s got nuthin’ on ya!)
Regardless, I’ve been a fan for years and will continue to be one. And now the Canadian kids are diggin’ ya, and that makes me happy. Whats cool in Canada is cool to me!
Sincerely,
ErnieBot
A letter to Adidas
Dear Adidas,
Thank you so much for making this shoe!
It’s the perfect addition to my Christmas list.
Sincerely,
ErnieBot
A letter to Tim and Eric
Dear Mr Heidecker and Mr Wareheim,
I love you guys. I really, really do. Every thing you do is comedic genius and I can hardly wait to see your new Super Deluxe show “Tim and Eric Nite Live” debuting this Tuesday night. I have been watching your promos and the one thing I don’t understand is why so many people seem to post such rude comments regarding your comedy.
If there’s one thing that I’ve never understood, it was people who get into pissing matches on forums or in comment boxes. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinions, but why go to a place like Super Deluxe or YouTube and watch videos of people you don’t like, then comment on how crappy it was?
I’m so sorry to lose myself on a tangent like that, the meaning of this letter isn’t to ponder the reasoning behind stupid people, it’s to confess my love and admiration for you two. You see, I too hope to follow in the great footsteps of such great comedic duos like yourself. I have partnered with my best friend, Jen to create jenanderin.com. We had originally started the website as a place to post our Frank Stallone tribute video, however we have not had the money or equipment available to make our ridiculous video. Instead, we created a podcast, with every intention to do more, but once again, we have been temporarily derailed.
Jen and Erin admire Tim and Eric, and someday…..maybe someday…..we will be able to convince you two to make a guest appearance on our sketch comedy show.
With love, until then….
ErnieBot
PS. When will we be seeing new episodes of the Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job? I’ve been missing you……
